Welcome to the Quiet Room
by xDisgraceful Avengerx
Summary: Sayaka Miki's life was only going downhill. The love of her life chose her best friend, she lost herself to drugs, and her family is falling apart. After being put into rehab, can she turn her life around? AU, Druggie!Sayaka. KyoSaya.
1. Chapter 1

**Yo! Disgraceful Avenger's finally writing her new story.**

**Warnings: Drug usage, mental instability, some cussing, future violence and smut.  
****Pairing: KyoSaya  
Disclaimer: I don't own Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica. (As much as I wish I did...)  
Hope you enjoy. Sorry for the whole AN, but now that it's out of the way...**

* * *

I wake up to a loud noise coming from the other side of the room. Blinking rapidly, I try to focus my eyes, but I just can't. I can vaguely tell that my roommate is sitting up, throwing her blankets from her body. I turn so that I'm facing her. She gives me a once over before speaking.

"You awake, new girl?"

What is it she asked? "Yeah," I say, because yeah answers almost everything. My vision starts to become more clear, and I can make out a very tall girl, with long red hair pulled back in a ponytail. She's smirking as she looks at me.

"Good. Cause nurse I coming to check vitals," her grin widens, "and they're gonna draw your blood."

I frown, but say nothing. My mouth doesn't want to move.

A knock sounds on the door, and a second later it opens, revealing a nurse wheeling a cart full of medical equipment. "Good morning, Kyoko," she says to my roommate, before looking at me. "You're...Sayumi, right?" I shake my head numbly, but she doesn't seem to get it.

My roommate-Kyoko- laughs. "Sayumi? What sort of name is that?"

I say nothing, just lie there, letting the nurse tie the band over my arm, like I've done hundreds of times before. Except she's taking my blood. I was just injecting stuff into it. Ever since the incident at the concert...with Hitomi and Kyosuke...

"-say anything?" The nurse asks, and I wonder if I zoned out.

"She said "yeah"." Kyoko answers. "Hasn't said anything else since yesterday. Didn't even tell me her name. Not that I'd remember it anyway!" She laughs, before walking over and leaning down next to my bed. I feel her fingers tap my lightly on the forehead. "Hey, you. Anyone alive in there? Anyone?"

Is there? Am I really, honestly, alive? Do I even want to be? In this moment, I...I don't know...

"Alive?AmIshalive?" I slur, trying to speak properly.

Kyoko eyes me warily. "How crazy is she?" She asks the nurse, and I wonder if I should be offended. I would usually scold on comments like that. But I don't want to speak.

I turn over again, my arm hanging off the side of the bed. I try raising it, but the attempt goes nowhere.

The nurse exits. My roommate huffs, running a hand through her long hair. She looks over at me.

"Okay. This is my half of the room. That's your half. Just so we're clear," she says, sitting down on her bed, before changing her mind and standing again. "Staff says I have to show you around, so get your ass up and we can go."

I can't bring myself to move.

"Come on, it's time for breakfast!" Kyoko exclaims.

I frown.

"Get up!"

"Saythplease." I slur. She shakes her head, walking toward me. I feel her hands on my back, pushing me to my feet.

"We're going to breakfast. Now."

* * *

I can't stomach it, eating breakfast. Somewhere along the line I ended up vomiting all over the floor. When they finally manage to get my out of the mess hall, I'm dry heaving. The staff sits me on my bed and I stay there for god knows how long, staring at the cracks on the ceiling, hearing that beautiful music from the other side of the wall, the sounds of the violin echoing in my ears.

My mind races with the music. I feel like I'm being drawn out of my body, shoved back in, and drawn out again. I can't seem to focus on reality. I don't even know if I'm dreaming. I think it's lucid. I'm not positive, though.

When the music stops and my heart slows down, the door opens. My eyes watch Kyoko as she enters the room. Everything seems like it's bathed in a pale blue light. Kyoko's messing with something on the table, but stops when she sees me. "You okay, Sayumi?"

"Sayaka." I manage to say.

"...huh?" She asks, frowning.

"Mynam'sSayaka." I try, and the words hurt, burning my throat, making me want to throw up again. "Hurths." I say.

Kyoko shakes her head. "You're a weird fuck, Sayaka."

I don't reply, just lie there and watch her walk out of the room.

* * *

They have me in a wheelchair when they take me to group therapy. My head is hanging at an odd angle, but I don't bother trying to fix it. I have a tear running down my face, and it stings when it passes over the red, blistery rash near my mouth. The nurse parks my chair next to a couple of others when we enter the room, and I see the other patients staring at me apprehensively, shocked. I hear someone mutter a comment about my face to someone else, who laughs loudly. I feel my eye twitch.

The nurse leaves and they begin to go around the circle. Name, age, reason they're here and what they're working on. A few stand out: Madoka, the inhalant user; Homura, the smoker and heroin addict; Kyoko, who's done almost every drug in the book. And then it's me.

I cough, and slur my words. I can't speak, and eventually the staff member in charge speaks for me.

"This is Sayaka Miki. She's in here for...addiction to methamphetamine and barbiturates."


	2. Chapter 2

**Second chapter! Sorry, but it may take a while for me to update after this. I'm going to be out of town for a few days.**

* * *

At night, I can't tear my eyes away from the cracking ceiling. I hum the haunting melody from earlier as I stare at it, through the night, and deprive myself of sleep. When I hear the nurse calling out "Get up!", I can't bring myself to move. I'm so worn out, it's like being weighted down, being paralyzed.

And then I snap back to reality, my eyes blinking rapidly, body shaking as I manage to pull myself to my feet. My legs feel unstable, like they're made of jello or something. I feel light headed and sit back down. What is this? Have I started withdrawal?

I force myself to stand again and stumble out into the hall. It isn't until then that I realize how bright everything is. I feel a slight numbness in my chest. Vaguely, I question if I'm going to pass out. I reach a hand toward the wall to support myself, but my vision's too blurry, and I fall, hitting the ground with a thud.

I hear myself yell, but I know I didn't. Or did I? I can't tell. All I know is that my heart's beating rapidly in my chest, feeling like it's about to burst into water at any moment, and I can't see, and I'm trembling, my body convulsing in on itself as I hear somebody say my name, "Sayaka!"

And then it's black.

* * *

I'm lying on my bed again in a dark, unlit room. There's a girl sitting by the bedside, looking at me in concern, along with a nurse.

"You're awake!" The girl exclaims. "Thank goodness."

"Do you know what day it is?" The nurse asks.

I don't speak. I don't think I even know what day I got put in here, let alone what day it is now. The nurse nods anyway.

"No, then," she frowns, taps her pen on the clipboard. "Do you know where you are?"

My throat closes up as I try to speak. The girl shakes her head, frowning.

"Maybe we could let her rest for awhile? She's pretty shaken up." She says, before turning to me. "I don't think we really met. I'm Mami Tomoe." She smiles, extending a hand. I reach out and attempt to shake it, but feel my hand drop down and hang off the edge of the bed before it even meets her's.

The nurse nods. "I'll talk to the doctor," she says, looking at me.

Mami grins. "Tough stuff already, huh? It's alright. Seems like they work magic in this place, and there's nothing a little magic can't help fix, right?" She nods, almost like she's reaffirming herself, before looking at me. "I'll talk to you in group. I hope you feel better."

And then she leaves.

* * *

The doctor tells me that I've started withdrawal. He says that withdrawal from barbiturates is possibly the most dangerous withdrawal one can go through. I don't really hear the rest of what he says. Something to do with my brain. I'm really tired...

I'm not sure when it is that I fall asleep, I just know that I'm falling asleep and leave it at that. When I'm awake, I'm sitting in the main room, alone, with my head down on the desk.

* * *

Individual therapy is a lot rougher than group. I try to force myself to talk, but my words are all jumbled together and the nurse's barely listening to what I'm saying. She fires question after question at me, and I try my best to answer each one, but I slur and jumble and she finally gives up.

She wheels my chair back to the day hall, scolding me about my speech manners, but it's not like I could help it. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know if it can even be fixed. She tells me it's probably because of how I rotted my brain, how I could almost be considered mentally retarded now. I know I'm not. But she wouldn't listen to me regardless.

The rest of the walk to the day hall is spent in silence. She parks the wheelchair by one of the tables, right next to Kyoko, Mami, Madoka, and Homura before walking off.

Kyoko eyes me warily, before smirking and saying, "Hey."

"Hi," I reply.

"The nurses are real bitches, aren't they?" She laughs. "But hey, at least they give me apples!" She coughs. "So how's the first day of hell been, Sayaka?" Kyoko slings an arm over my shoulders casually, and I can feel her breath on my face and if I could push her away I would, but my body won't move.

"Hell." I answer.

"Funny," she says, frowning.

* * *

The day drags on and on. I don't speak during the groups. Sometimes I think my voice is gone, but then I speak again and know it's not. A few kids try talking to me, but I don't really reply to anyone. I can't. People keep asking me about meth and the scars on my arms, and so I just can't answer. I just sit there and stare at the wall until group finally ends.

* * *

When the staff sends us all back to our rooms, and the nurse helps me lie down in bed, I can't fall asleep. I find myself entranced by the noises around me, the music of the night, and my mind can't rest, preoccupied with thoughts of my family and the drugs and Kyosuke and Hitomi. And as I'm thinking, I hear Kyoko's voice, whispering my name, and I turn on my side to stare at her, but she's fast asleep.

I stare at her until the sounds stop and the scars in my mind fade.

And then for the first time in months, I have a dream.


	3. Chapter 3

**I know it's been way too long XD But I'll be making an extra long chapter to make up for it. (At least, it's long in my terms XP) So...chapter 3 of Welcome to the Quiet Room.**

* * *

This is how the drems begin. I open my eyes, but I don't wake. I am detached. My spirit is detached- from my body and my mind. And everything is dark. I stumble around in my spirit body, running into the wall, and turning, arms outstretched. When things begin to clear, I see Kyoko twitch and roll over in her sleep. Curiously, I glance back toward my own body. I look so vulnerable, sleeping. And undeniably sick, which sickens me even more.

Sometimes I wonder why these dreams are so different. Why is it I can walk properly? Is it because I am that disconnected from my body and mind? Can I do anything? Can I walk through the wall, right out of this place? Will I die if I do?

Maybe this is what kept me getting high, lucid dreaming. But I haven't had a lucid dream for months. Yet it feels like the first time; it's so wonderfully addictive. I'm free, unbound by reality, outside of myself. But nothing lasts forever.

* * *

I'm sitting at the table with Kyoko and Madoka, who are talking to each other. I listen, but don't try to say anything. My mouth doesn't want to move, and my head hurts. I can feel spit running from the side of my mouth and think I might fall asleep again. My face is practically touching the table, and it bothers me, but I can't bring myself to even try and move it back into position.

Sometimes I wonder how I ended up like this; a junkie, stuck in a useless body. I'm sure it was because of them. If she- if _Hitomi_ had never done what she did, then maybe...

...what was I thinking again? God, I'm tired.

"Hey, Sayaka, you okay?" Madoka asks softly, nudging my shoulder. I try and shake my head, but they don't react. "What's wrong?" Madoka says. I try to mouth the words to her, but she doesn't seem to get it. "What's wrong?" She questions again, and I don't reply.

They just don't get it.

* * *

The day seems incredibly long, longer than the last few have been. I feel indescribably pained, like I'm going to vomit, pass out, and die in that order.

In groups, my head lolls to the side and I zone out. The doctor doesn't bother to call on me, and it's almost reminiscent of a day in school. I think about things outside of the hospital. I can't remember much anymore. Everything's like a fragment of a distorted dream, not reality. Kyosuke and Hitomi, being kicked out of the honors program, failing classes and disappointing my mother because I just can't stop sleeping through all the boring stuff. My father dying and me running away from home, away from everything. It's all blurred, pieces of things getting stuck to pieces of other memories, changing everything. The only intact memory is the drug. I even know what my first drug was- cocaine, which I snorted behind the school the day after Kyosuke picked Hitomi. And then I started meth. And then I snapped.

I can still see the blood everywhere, splattered on the sides of the tub, leaking into the running water. I can remember the knife falling from my hands as I prayed in my mind that I'd drown, or bleed out, and be taken away from it all. I can remember waking up in the hospital a week later, the cop telling me how lucky I was.

The last thing I remember is crying.

* * *

I am almost in bed when the nurse tells me I have a visitor, helps me into the wheelchair, and takes me down to the meeting room.

It's Hitomi.

"Hi," she says nervously. "Um...how are you?" How do I look?

"Jus'fine." I slur.

"Mm..." she pauses. "I'm coping...Kyosuke really misses you." Sure he does. I doubt he even cares. And then all of a sudden, Hitomi's hugging me and I'm trying futily to push her off of myself, but I can't, so I just sit there, awkwardly. "I just don't get how you could do this to us." Of course, it's all about you.

"Hitomi," I say, and she forces a shaky smile.

"Yes?"

"Get out of 'ere."

* * *

I wake up screaming. There are hands on my arms, trying desperately and unsuccessfully to steady me. The yells keep escaping my throat, no matter how much I will them to stop. I'm just...so angry...

I manage to get one of my arms free and punch a nurse in the face. I hear her shout and the other nurse rushes back into the room, carrying a needle of some sort, and I wonder what it is, wish it was the drug I so desperately longed for.

"I'mgunakillya!" I spit.

"Hold her down," the first nurse says, reaching for the needle one of the others is holding.

I hear my voice, laughing wildly as the needle pierces my skin. I yell thrashing wildly, and it just hurts so bad, and my vision's darkening, and I can't see and...

"We're taking her to the quiet room," a voice says.

Everything is black.

* * *

When I come to, I find myself in a plain, white room. There's a white, single windowed door in the corner. I make a move to try and sit up, but my hands and feet are tied down. I'm restrained? My throat closes up as I try to yell again.

"You're awake," the doctor states. How genius. "We had to sedate you for your own safety. This is the first step of actual barbituate withdrawal." He answers. I frown. I know how to behave safely. Me mother at least trusted me to do that. So why can't this guy trust me?

I spit, shaking my arms.

"Calm down, Sayaka," the doctor says. "We don't want to have to sedate you again." I shake, trying to lash out, but I'm completely tied down and I can't do anything.

The last thing I see is a needle.

The irony kills me.

* * *

I don't know how long I spend in the quiet room, fading in and out of consciousness, still tied down, bright lights boring into my eyes. I just know that I'm still in there, and miraculously alive. Barbiturate withdrawal has a very low survival rate, the doctor says. They say I'm lucky.

It's a lie.

* * *

The day, or days, drone on after my release from the room. I spend my time staring at random things. Sometimes I'll find myself staring at Kyoko. Sometimes I wonder what her hair, what her skin feels like. It's weird, but comforting. Minutes become hours and hours turn into days, each one mirroring the last. When I finally see the doctor again, he mockingly asks me about my time spent in the quiet room. I spent three days in there. Three days of screaming, thrashing around, and staring at that white, cracked ceiling. Three days...that...

"Your roommate, Kyoko. Are you close?"

I don't know. "Not really," I manage to say.

"Odd. She barely left your side the whole time." What?

"Why?" I ask him.

"That's a mystery." He replies.

* * *

I think my eyes are closed, but I can still see her. That person. Watching me. She's looking down at me. What is she staring at? Why am I staring back? I reach toward the figure, only to have my hand slapped away. "What the fuck? Snap out of it, Sayaka." Kyoko says.

Oh.

"Sorry," I say, frowning.

Man, I can't think straight anymore.

* * *

I'm almost to sleep when I start shivering.

"Kyoko?" I ask. "Ishitcoldinere?"

"What are you talking about?" She asks, turning to look at me. "Are you cold? It's got to be eighty degrees!"

It isn't cold? But it has to be! Or else...I wouldn't be shivering...

Holy shit.

It's not cold. It's not cold, because I-

YOU'RE FREEZING!

-I know I-I-

These aren't the cold shakes. These are...

SO COLD SO COLD SO COLD...

-withdrawal.

* * *

When I wake up, the cold has left me, but I haven't stopped shaking. Kyoko's arms are wrapped around me, pulling me to her chest.

It's so beautiful it makes me want to cry.

Why does she care so much?

* * *

**End Chapter 3.**


	4. Chapter 4

******Chapter 4 of Welcome to the Quiet Room, written from scratch and unbeta'd, so sorry if it's a bad one. Realized that I needed to update this for you. :) Also, don't expect updates on anything for a while after this. I sprained my thoractic and gave myself whiplash during my dancing practice the other day, so I'm in a neck brace and it's killing me to type this. But I had to do it for you guys. :) So anyway...here's Chapter 4.**

* * *

The day starts off the same as every other in rehab. I sit in the day room at a table with Kyoko, Madoka, Homura, and Mami, looking at the tiled floor, and tracing the pattern of the tiles with my eyes while the others talk in low voices. The doctors shuffle about in the hallway, walking into the room to grab one of us for sessions every now and then.

I pick at the food I was given for breakfast, not even really attempting to eat any of it. Madoka, Homura and Mami are called out for individual sessions, leaving me alone with Kyoko. Surprisingly, she doesn't talk. At least, not until she says, "If you aren't eating that, I can have it, right?" and takes the barely-touched box of food from me. "Apple slices? You lucky bitch." She says.

I turn away, staring out the window of the room. Why am I here?

* * *

Group therapy moves slowly; I really just hate talking to people about my life. I almost debate asking if I can be excused from group, but realize that wouldn't be such a good idea. Besides, the group leader probably wouldn't even be able to understand what I was talking about. Nobody ever seems to.

I sit there, half asleep, for the remainder of group. After it lets out, I find Madoka helping me get back over to our table. Kyoko smirks at me.

"Fell asleep again, huh?" She pauses. "As expected, I guess." I glare at her, but say nothing. "Y'know, I was thinking..." she leans in closer to me. "About the-"

"Kyoko, shut up." Homura says bluntly. I raise an eyebrow. I wasn't expecting that from her.

"What's got your panties in a twist, Akemi?" Kyoko asks, taking another bite out of the apple she's been holding onto since group started.

"I have a headache." Homura replied.

"So what?" Kyoko asks, looking at her and smirking yet again.

"Homura, please don't-" Madoka started, as Homura stood up.

"I'll be in our room, Madoka."

Kyoko turned to me and did a 'What the hell? I don't get it.' gesture in the air. I tried to shake my head, but I couldn't.

* * *

After another long day, I find myself back in the room, thinking in the dark cover of the night. I've always hated the nighttime. Nighttime is the time of guilt, when all those buried truths come out, the ones you don't want to think about.

The withdrawal is no longer that bad. I feel a bit more depressed than usual now, but that's it. They said that the meth didn't even do anything to me- it was the barbiturates that fucked up my brain.

I wonder if the drugs are still affecting me. I wonder if I'm dying. I probably am, but the doctors won't tell me anything. No surprise.

I stare at the ceiling while I think, and I'm not sure how long I stare, I only know that the night passes slowly, and my eyes do not once move from the ceiling.

* * *

The days pass, one after the next, in a blur. The doctors haven't called me out for individual therapy since the first day. Nobody's bothered to visit outside of the one person who I currently hate more than anyone else. I guess that's not a surprise, though. Nobody cares enough to bother visiting. I'm alone, just as alone as I've been the past few months.

I hate it. Nobody notices that, though.

I rest my head on the table, listening to the whispers of Homura and Madoka, and the loud voice of Kyoko yelling at the doctors, and I try desperately to fall asleep.

Eventually, I do.

* * *

_I'm running. I'm running, really fast and I want to stop, but I can't stop because if I do, he'll catch me, and I can't let him catch me. I can't stop shaking, and I'm running, I'm running, faster and faster, and I can't stop, and I need help, somebody help me, HELP ME NOW. But nobody comes and so I keep running, and I feel something slam me to the ground and all of a sudden, there's a man standing behind me, and he's holding up the drugs and asking questions, questions about it. And I stand again, and I keep running, and I don't stop until I get home, throwing the door open, running upstairs and locking myself in the bathroom. His knock sounds on the door, but I can't stand to think about what'll happen if Mom answers it, and so I pull the razor out of the drawer. I sit down in the bathtub, and I begin to drag it across my arms, and there's someone calling my name, and footsteps, running up the stairs, and I scream, because it just hurts so much, and there's blood everywhere..._

_And then I wake up._

* * *

My eyes snap open, and I look around the room, disconcerted. I stand, surprising the others, and slowly begin to walk down the hall to the snaps something to me, and I just keep walking. I walk into the bathroom, and I shut the door.

My eyes focus in on the mirror, and I stare at my reflection. Bloodshot red eyes, rash around my mouth, pale skin...when did I get so skinny? Was I like that before? No wonder Kyosuke didn't want me.

...What am I- reflection, right. What was it that I was thinking about?

Kyoko knocks on the door, her voice echoing into the bathroom. I ignore it.

I'm sick of being like this. I don't want this, I don't want to be here, and I don't want to be in this body.

I smash the mirror. It takes all of my strength just to throw that punch, and a few seconds later, I'm on the ground, shards of glass scattered around me, catching pieces of my reflection from different angles. My hand's bleeding, and it drips down onto the floor, as I pick up one of the shards, and hold it to my wrist. Slowly, I begin to cut my skin...

The door slams open, and there's Kyoko and a nurse, and the nurse is screaming, and I drop the glass. Kyoko rushes to me, grabbing my arm, as the nurse helps wrap a bandage around it, and then she stands me up and tells me we're going back to the quiet room. I stare at Kyoko, and find myself crying as the nurse pulls me away.

"Idunwannago!" I yell at her. "Kyoko!" I call out, but Kyoko doesn't come after me.

The tears are heavy now, coming down in torrents, like the rain. The doctor rushes over, and he helps the nurse get me into the quiet room, securing me to the bed with restraints as he examines my injuries.

I don't struggle. I just lie there. Because I can't do anything. I'm completely and utterly alone, and completely and utterly helpless.

* * *

**End Chapter 4.**


End file.
